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The Bourne Valley Bollox 36 |
| The Hash Trash of the Bourne Valley Hash House Harriers |
| Run 36 | The Bell, Whitchurch | 5th Oct '99 | Attendance 46 |
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| Our guest scribe talking a load of bollox this month is Kate Adie from BVH3 | ||||||||||||||
| "Hideous".
"Worse than a howler monkey’s bottom." Words used by residents of
Whitchurch to describe the ugliness of the hashers and harriets on the Quasimodo run from
the Bell Inn ..Some fantastic masks made it a night to remember. Of course there were
those like Clepto and myself Kate Adie
who were too boring to dress up - All Clepto could manage was a kilt (which, for some strange
reason, he wore on his head - see photo).
We ended up on the edge of a cliff, quite literally, named the Lynch - Judging by the comments around me, this was what might happen to the hares at the end for setting such a tricky trail. As we searched for a way down, we could hear the distant muffled cry of "On On" from hashers across the plains stretching out below. Newly christened Humpless was one of the voices, way off course at the Prince Regent. Luckily the Bell was near the centre of the village and everyone made it back humps and all. An interesting challenging run on a fine crisp evening. On to the down downs then and firstly a grovelling apology. Due to Quasiemodo-itus and HSB beer disease, I can’t read my hand written notes made during the down downs ..so the following won’t make much sense..or maybe complete lies - typical journalist! Obviously the hares got a dwon down...so did Clepto for having "Best Hump" - and that was without his costume. Clementime had the best balls - He picked out Sunderland on the football card and conned us all out of 25 quid. Mistress dropped one at this point. (Well thats what I’ve got written - dunno what it means). Complete Virgin was told to neck it and Green Goddess (?? Green ‘Goblin’ - Ed) did something with Time(??) Bandits’ shoes ..errr I think she drank out of his shoes or he drank hers ..anyway they were somehow linked in a feetish way. An application was made for Glassopah to change her name - Lou King was the reason for the Chinese connection. The suggested new name was Dolphin but the RA Hoggy refused and she must carry on hopping grass (and yes, she’s still Peeps to me - Ed). At the same time Marilyn Strauss avoided the name Variously Straddled (ala Straddle Various - her other half) and became Humpless instead, as she didn’t have a hump.. Schmiler from Aldershot became Moscow Mule - I think she was on the Vodka? Perfect Tit became a suggested new name for Mudlark - but I think he stays as Mudlark. Fukarrwee got a special award for completing the Clarendon Way Marathon in 6 hours and 3 minutes. He was last and gave a little speech ..I’ve written it down as "Unaccustomed as I am to being upside down, I didn’t drown...and Green Gouls cheated. I overtook ramblers hiding as a runner." His white beard is longer and he gave Fruit n Nut a down down. Cyclogical complained he’s never had a down down..but didn’t get one - I think he gave Fakahhhhweeeeee another one. The quick brown fox jumped ovrer the lazy cow. I love you, I really do - your my best mate. Weasels are my favourite bird. (I didn’t write any of this last bit - someone else scribbled on my pad). Finally my hashie thought for today.."When ye olde Clepto give thee a note pad, make sure ye actually take some notes that yee’ll be able to read 2 weeks later. Or alternatively tell him where to stick his quill (Do not ye dare! or Ye olde Clepto will make sure ye gets suitably punished - Ye olde Ed). .. Oh, Oh, I’m off - I’ve got the hump. ON ON Kate Adie |
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The trail, laid by Hares Heffer, Roger Ramjet and Spillage, started from the Bell but only they know where it
went after that. Hashers and Harriets disappeared into the night never to be seen again -
well not for the next hour and a half anyway. I followed a whole herd of hashers up a
false trail which ended at someones private gate. Hot legs led
us back into the centre of town where Heffer was on hand to direct us back to the bar which
everyone had gone through. Some thought he meant the bar at the Bell and that was that for
them. For the brave, the trail meandered up this alley, down that alley, onto a disused
railway track, back up the alley down another alley, up to the station, down a hill, up
the hill again, down the first alley, up another alley, up and down that hill again. One
woman who wishes not to be named tried to get out of her house 7 times. Her front door
opens straight onto the footpath on the big hill and each time she took a step forward, a
hasher or harriet ran past, knocking her a step back. Being one of the few looking like
his normal self, Clepto was on hand to comfort frightened women. He even
chatted up a passing policewoman!