A photo af the beautiful Bourne Valley spoilt by a crowd of hashers getting in the way

On the run Flash met up with one of his old girlfriends and she couldn’t resist giving him a quick BJ

Everyone waits for Hash Flash (Dyer’ere is annoyed at hearing that Flash is with his current ‘bit on the side’)

Two BVH3 hashers proudly pose with a strange creature they captured in the woods

Hashers do it with stile

Unhappy Hashers find no beer at Clepto's house

Another three BVH3 virgins are initiated (looks like one of them’s done this before!)

"Yes, it’s the first tuesday of the month and it’s Bourne Valley once again."

She agrees to pick me up about ten past six, leaving us plenty of time for pre-run drinks, but alas she knows a short cut.

"Yes, we always go this way when I come with Parcel Force."

Well we pass a signpost which has obviously been tampered with, and yes, you have guessed right first time, we end up nearly back in Andover. Eventually we arrive at the Coronation Arms (the new hash home of the BVH3) with 5 minutes to spare. Within minutes of getting out of the car, a notebook and pen is thrust into my hand and Clepto whispers "Bollox" What does he mean says I? I’m quickly told by all and sundry "Rattlebones, it’s your turn to write a load of bollox"

A head count was taken for food which ammounted to 45 hashers and 10 dogs - is this the start of CHHH (Crufts Hash House Harriers). Clepto anounced that it was to be a Hollywood style hash with a tour of all the ‘famous’ local hashers’ country estates and the hares, Straddlevarious and Dyer’Ere gave us a load of verbals about the trail, God knows why because nobody was listening.

We set off and within 100 metres we lose the front runners twice up false trails. After last month ending up on the main I was determined to stay on the mini this week so I kept with Chicane and Parcel Force, this should guarantee me not to miss the mini. The hash was seen twice running up the wrong hill much to the delight of the hares. Heffer disappeared into a corn field soon after the start and was never seen again - something about age - or was it dogs? I can’t remember.

A Harietter found 50p near a water crossing and bribed the hare with it to cross the bridge. How she got away without a down-down I don’t know, perhaps she re-used the 50p to bribe Hoggy, the RA. The down-downs were up to the usual standard, total mayhem. The first went to a mother and daughter who were arguing in the car park as to who was going to reverse into the space between two cars. Something about "bluebells, I know bluebells" said to Hoggy on the run by Dickhead, I think. My notes are nearly illegible as I am on my 5th pint. Hamlet’s ‘449’ tattoo, I think this is his favourite chinese dish. So as not to forget the number he had it tattooed on his arm and bottom. Heffer for having a mid-life crisis, I can’t read my scribble yet again, perhaps it’s something about all those dogs of his. The Hashyclava was awarded for the second month ‘running’ to Clepto - I’ve no idea why - perhaps he does (No, I fecken don’t - Ed). Hoggy got a down-down because there was one over and he’s the RA (cunning ploy), and last but not least, the new landlord, our very own Hot Legs. The Down Downs were quickly followed by an endless supply of smuncheous sausage n chips and yet again a great time was had by all.

Here endeth this load of old BV Bollox

ON ON Rattlebones

..... and the food was great!